I am beyond tired but I really wanted to finish this post. The weekends are supposed to be for relaxing and being lazy but if I do that, then I will get EVEN farther behind on my school work. Man, it’s like the school work never ceases to end. Will it? Can I catch up eventually? I hope so.

I love my shell; it’s the only place where I can just well, I don’t know, feel safe and unharmed. I am, in a way, protected by my shell. It keeps me from being harmed from basically everything and everybody. The way that I see it is, is that nothing gets into my shell and nothing will ever get out, including me. I am not used to stepping out and trying something new, and when I start to explore and try new things, I start to feel very uncomfortable instead of good. Is that normal? I know some people who really love trying new things and meeting new people and when they do-try new things and experiences, they feel great about it…but not me. It’s funny because when I was younger, I didn’t seem to let things like shyness or what I thought people were going to say about me stop me for going up to people. Really, people would come up to me which made everything a lot easier. Now, it’s not like that; everything’s a little bit different. And when I do try to approach people and talk, it’s like they’ve never been approach by someone new before. They seem very unfriendly, most of the times, or like they don’t want to be bothered. And I also know that you can’t base everyone’s reaction on just one or two or three people’s reaction, but that’s what I’ve been doing. I kind of feel like I don’t have anything to relate to with anybody. Is it the people that I am approaching or just me in general? I’m first to leave the events, if I can help it, and I try to avoid any extra attention. And I don’t like standing there and looking stupid with the, “Why am I here” look. But then I go right back to my little space “my confort zone” and just browse the internet, do homework, or go to sleep.

But Thrusday I did something that I never even thought I would have EVER done…I went to a dance tryout. It was a campus dance team that I was really interested in joining. I’ve never danced in a group before but I did believe that I could easily pick up on some new material. So I went there with that in mind and some confidence that I found after talking to my mom, sister, my roommate and her bff. before I left. I wasn’t too nervous, that was until I got there and we began. I kept telling myself that even thing was cool and to just relax and to try not to OVERTHINK this, which I do with everything in my life. (Blog on that coming later on) I had some many random things running through my mind, like how everyone picked up so easily and I was messing up, and how my knee was beginning to hurt me but I just kept twisting like there was no tomorrow, and how I forgot about that assignment that was due later that night and I really tried to hold off of it for as long as I could but then the tryouts got extended and I ended up having to make a choice. I chose to go and finish up that homework that I needed to do. I was really sad because I really wanted to give this dancing thing a shot but because of my own actions I had to chose. All in all I am really happy that I went to the tryouts in the first place. The inner me wanted to leave as soon as I got there but I stuck it out as long as I could and I am just glad that I did.